A wise male friend recently told me:
People don’t look for love… they find it.
I could not get this out of my head for days! Days I tell you! I just kept replaying it in my head because it really spoke to me.
Why has this never occurred to me before? Did I really think that I was going to find my true love on Tinder, at speed dating or a singles night?
Will I still date? – Of course!
Will I still talk to men when I’m out? – Certainly!
Will I continue to scroll through Tinder or any other dating sites for hours on end looking for “him”? – Definitely not!
Why? – Because people don’t look for love…. They find it!
I will no longer be actively looking.
I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and that what is meant to be will be. So why have I not applied this to dating? I suppose a part of me has wanted to control my fate in love, and for a brief while I actually thought I could. But I now realize that this is not possible, it’s just not practical. Love has to just happen, naturally.
I don’t know about you, but I am a planner and a real thinker, so simply letting go can be hard for me. But love really is one of those things in life that you have absolutely no control over. The only thing/person you will always have control over in your life is yourself (except for maybe when you’re highly intoxicated of course!).
You cannot will the man of your dreams to knock at your door exactly when you want him to. Nor can you make the next man you see be the man of your dreams. And you certainly can’t just go and buy the perfect boyfriend in a shop (as much as I know my mother would love to do so for me). It just doesn’t work that way, and besides, my Christmas stocking would never be big enough.
People don’t look for love… they find it. .. So, single ladies out there, I dare you to follow my lead and give this whole stopping looking thing a shot.
The steps to take:
- Delete any dating apps you have on your phone
- Deactivate all dating website accounts
- Refrain from approaching ANY men, ANYWHERE (Yes – this includes via Facebook messenger!)
- Focus on YOU
- Find a hobby that makes you smile
- Keep busy with work and spending quality time with family and friends
- Simply don’t look!
If you’re really into men and dating, you may be thinking…. OMG! I am never going to meet a man this way! I’m going to be alone forever! Why don’t I just go down to the pet shop and load my car up with cats right now?!
Hang on….I haven’t finished writing yet.
If a guy actively pursues you, and by this I mean, calling you, messaging you, approaching you and asking you out on more than one occasion, say YES!
I’m not suggesting you stay at home with your cats forever and hide from men completely.
I’m simply saying not to focus on dating and men – Do things differently! I don’t know about you, every girl manages her dating life differently and dates in different ways. But I know for me, writing a dating blog made it very hard not to focus on men and dating. Writing a different dating article almost every week, quite obviously caused dating to become a substantial part of my life. It got to the point where my best friend even said “It’s almost like dating is your second job!” I don’t want it to be like a job, dating isn’t supposed to be like a job. It’s supposed to be relaxing and fun!
When dating starts to feel like an exhausting second job, like it has started to for me, then you’re doing it wrong!
Don’t look for him. When you’re meant to find him, whether ‘him’ be the love of your life, a new friend or just an amazing summer fling, he will find you when he is meant to.