How could I have been disappointed about a guy I had only just met?
It got me thinking, was it actually him that caused me to feel disappointment, or simply the possibility of what might have been that excited me. The possibility which was so abruptly taken away.
It all happened so fast. Too fast. I sensed this from the beginning but convinced myself that it was all happening for a reason and that it was meant to be.
Okay I will start from the beginning. I met a guy. Not my usual type, but there was just something about him and he made me laugh. Laughter is good and so when he asked me out to dinner I agreed. We had a really lovely time. As well as the laughter, I was attracted to his openness and what seemed to be his honesty about what he wanted.
For example, he asked me some of the following questions:
- “Why did your last relationship end?”
- “How long have you been single?”
- “What are your deal breakers?”
- “What are you looking for in a partner?”
Wow! A bit full on for a first date! But then I thought, no game playing and he’s honest, I like that.
And the biggest thing of all…. for our second date he invited me to have drinks with his mother, sister and friends for his mothers birthday. He wants me to meet his mother and sister?! Wow!! He must really like me, I thought.
He told me how much they mean to him and how close they all are. So I figured this was a test. You know, make sure my mother and sister like her before I waste any of my time. I get it.
You would think that all of this meant that he was looking for something more than casual. Right?
At first I will admit, I wasn’t sure whether to go or not. But then I figured, I think I like him and not going might give him the wrong impression. So I went and it went very well. I really liked them and it seemed they really liked me too. I had a long chat, photos and hugs with his mum and danced with his sister.
It all seemed to be going so well, almost too well. He told me how happy he was that his mother and I could talk and how glad he was that I came. We kissed, we held hands, he was attentive and asked if I was okay all throughout the night. His friends told me that he never brings girls over and that I must be pretty special. So that made me feel pretty good and fuelled by thoughts of possibilities.
We made tentative plans to meetup a couple of days later.
I felt happy. Isn’t that crazy though? And almost a little scary isn’t it? How someone I had known for less than a week could have made me feel happy?!! Someone or the possibilities?
Why do we give men that much power over us? Is it just me? Or do all women do this? Is it human nature? Should we not do it? Are we not allowed to feel happy?
Anyway, back to the story.
Still reeling with excitement, you can imagine my shock and confusion when two days later he sent me a text message which read something like this:
“I don’t know if we should continue to see each other. I don’t know if I’m ready for commitment.”
What????!!!! Less than 48 hours ago he was telling me how much he likes me.
I never said I wanted a relationship with him. I never asked him to commit to me! Why did he think he had too? Why couldn’t we just start off casual and then see where it went? That was certainly my intention. Why did he have to make it so full on? I was shocked and confused.
My mind instantly went to insecure mode. I spent the entire day wondering what I had done wrong. As I asked myself questions like “What’s wrong with me?” and “What did I do wrong?” But then I realised it. Nothing. There is absolutely nothing that I could have possibly done to turn him off in the time that I was away from him. Because when he changed his mind, I was simply not around.
So then the analysis started. You’re all familiar with that, right ladies!? He could have decided he didn’t like something about me (which is okay of course), his mother or sister could have told him they didn’t like me (doubtful unless they are really good actors!), he could have met someone else, he could have feelings for an ex, he could be even gay (laugh out loud) or he could genuinely have realised he’s not ready for a relationship. The list is endless!
I could have spent the rest of the week wondering what went wrong, but what is the point? I will probably never know the real reason he changed his mind and that’s okay. Because do you know what? I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t sure about what they want. And I certainly don’t want to be with someone who isn’t sure about me!
In the large scheme of things, it was only a week after all! This isn’t going to affect me or my life in the long term.
I’ve been told it takes roughly half the time you date someone to get over them. Well it was a week – I was over it in exactly 3.5 days!!
My lesson here: If a guy invites you to meet his mum within the first few dates, there is something wrong. Run!!!
I would love to hear your thoughts on this one. Is introducing a girl to your mother still considered to mean something? Or have I missed something here? How would you read into this if this happened to you? To my male readers, have you introduced a girl you were dating to your mother? How early is it too early?
Until next time… Xx