couple_having_sex__medium_4x3You’ve been on a few dates with a guy, you really like him and he’s smoking hot, so you really want to sleep with him, but you’re worried that he might think you’re too easy, lose interest or most importantly lose his respect for you.  Sound familiar ladies?

So when is the right time to sleep with him and how long should you wait?

It may sound silly, but I think it matters.  Because the fact is, if you sleep with a guy on the first date it is unlikely that you will hear from him again.  Or, you will hear from him again but it may only be strictly in a ‘booty call’ sense.  He may tell you he doesn’t want a relationship or use a similar excuse.   Maybe he genuinely doesn’t want a relationship, or maybe he does, but he may not want one with you because you’ve made it too easy for him.  He may wonder how many other guys you’ve slept with and he may not have any respect for you at all.

So, how soon is too soon?

I’m not one of those girls who have a ’10 date rule’, as I don’t believe you can put a set timeframe on it and this can differ from person to person.  I do however, believe that you should wait until you’re comfortable and it feels right for you.  I recommend that you wait for a few other things to happen first too.

Such as:

Multiple and frequent dates

Again, I can’t tell you an exact number.  But if he’s taking you on multiple dates and they are relatively frequent, then he is keen and is probably worthy of you (you know what part of you I’m talking about).


Wait for some action

Not sexual action, but him playing out his words with actions. Showing you what he said he was going to do, taking you out on a date when he says he’s going to take you out on a date!  In other words – does he walk the talk? See my recent article ‘Actions speak louder than words’, for more examples.


He’s given you the impression he wants more

You can never be absolutely certain with the opposite sex or with anyone for that matter, but you can have an idea.  For example, if the guy you’re dating tells you he’s not interested in a relationship and is recently single and you’re looking for more, then you definitely shouldn’t sleep with him.

This may sound pretty obvious, but I have seen plenty of women do this and have done it myself in the past.  You really like someone, so you hope and pray that if they just spend more time with you, have amazing sex with you and get to know what an absolutely awesome woman you are, then they might just change their mind and want a relationship with you.  Sorry to burst your bubble, but this type of occurrence is rare, when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship he usually really doesn’t want a relationship, so don’t risk yourself getting hurt or disappointed by giving too much of yourself and sleeping with him.

There is of course always the exception to the rule… I have a friend who had a drunken one night stand on a holiday and he is now her partner of 4 years.  He even asked her to move interstate so that they could be together!  So yes, there is the exception.  Just don’t bank on it happening to you.

And on the other end of the scale, just because you wait a decent amount of time to sleep with the guy you’re dating, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to work or that they’re going to be a genuine guy looking for a relationship either.

About a year ago, I was set up with a guy by a family member, I liked him and we dated for a two months.   We went on about 10 dates, 10 good dates and he was even my date to my Cousin’s wedding.  On the 10th date I slept with him, and never saw him again. A couple of weeks later (you read right, a couple of weeks later!) he sent me a Facebook messaging telling me that he was not looking for a relationship.  It would have been nice if he had told me that a little earlier, right?

You may sleep with one guy on the third date and another on the twentieth, one of them may turn out to be the love of your life, or they might both turn to shit.  But the main thing is….protect yourself!  And I’m not talking pharmaceuticals (though that is very important too!)

Protect your heart! Protect your heart by thinking before you act and ask yourself the following questions prior to leaping into bed:

  • Are you comfortable?
  • Does it feel right?
  • Do you feel as if he respects you?
  • Do you really like him?
  • Are the kisses amazing?
  • Does he make you laugh?
  • Are you having fun?
  • Has he taken you out on multiple dates?
  • Do you get the impression he wants the same things as you do?

If you can answer yes to all of these questions, then you’re probably ready for some bed time.

Be safe and enjoy ladies… 😉 xx

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