I heard on the radio recently, that the most successful couples are those who are friends first. This got me thinking. What successful couples do I know and how did they meet?
I thought about my friends and family members and the ones who are in relationships and focused on the happy ones. As I pondered upon these happy couples, I realized that the majority of them were actually friends prior to becoming a couple.
- My cousin was friends with a guy in her friend group, who asked her out multiple times, but she wasn’t interested in being anything more than friends with him. A couple of years later, as he was just about ready to give up, she finally agreed to a date. Now, seven years later they are married, building a house together and have a beautiful baby girl.
- A friend of mine went to university with her now partner. When they met they were both in a relationship, so were just friends and helped each other with their studies. She never thought they would be any more than friends, but now they are engaged and she has even moved interstate to be with him and is happier than ever.
- Another friend met her partner through friends and thought he was nice, but too nice. She was attracted to the bad boys. He was so nice, that she at least wanted to be friends with him, so that they were. She had many bad boy boyfriends over the years and they always hurt her. He, of course was the shoulder she would cry on. Eventually, she realized that she wanted to be with the nice guy after all. Crying on his shoulder turned into crying on his chest, then crying on his chest turned into kissing, then kissing turned into…… and she has never looked back!
It just proves that you never know. If you’re meant to be with someone, then you’re just meant to be I suppose.
There have been so many occasions where I have thrown guys out of my life, simply because they have only wanted to be friends. “I don’t need another friend! I have enough friends!” I would think to myself. But now I can’t help but wonder, what if I had let those particular guys remain in my life as friends whom I saw occasionally, or even friends whom I became close with, whilst we continued to date others? They may not have eventuated into anything and we may have simply remained friends. But what if the timing just wasn’t right, what if one of these friendships eventually blossomed into love? What if when the guy was ready for more, everything just sort of fell into place?
What if my cousin’s partner hadn’t stayed friends with her? Would he be single and lonely now, having lost his ‘soul mate’? Or would he be just as happy and married to someone else? Or what if my friend had continued to go for the bad boys? Would she be alone now? Or would she have met another nice guy eventually?
My boss and his wife recently had their 42nd wedding anniversary. Thinking he must know a thing or two about marriage after 42 years, I asked him to share some marital wisdom. Guess what his number one tip was? Be friends first!! He was friends with his wife before they began dating, before they became intimate, before they got married, before they bought a home, before they had children, before any of that stuff, they were just friends. They knew each other before any of that other stuff, before any of the emotions and the complication and he feels this is the reason they have lasted as long as they have.
So with all this information in front of me, I can’t help but wonder, is it better to be friends prior to becoming a couple in order to have a successful relationship? Does friends first have benefits?