Craven The City

Month: July 2015

Does friends first have benefits?

friendsI heard on the radio recently, that the most successful couples are those who are friends first. This got me thinking. What successful couples do I know and how did they meet?

I thought about my friends and family members and the ones who are in relationships and focused on the happy ones. As I pondered upon these happy couples, I realized that the majority of them were actually friends prior to becoming a couple.

Some examples:

  • My cousin was friends with a guy in her friend group, who asked her out multiple times, but she wasn’t interested in being anything more than friends with him.  A couple of years later, as he was just about ready to give up, she finally agreed to a date.  Now, seven years later they are married, building a house together and have a beautiful baby girl.
  • A friend of mine went to university with her now partner.  When they met they were both in a relationship, so were just friends and helped each other with their studies.  She never thought they would be any more than friends, but now they are engaged and she has even moved interstate to be with him and is happier than ever.
  • Another friend met her partner through friends and thought he was nice, but too nice.  She was attracted to the bad boys.   He was so nice, that she at least wanted to be friends with him, so that they were.  She had many bad boy boyfriends over the years and they always hurt her.  He, of course was the shoulder she would cry on.  Eventually, she realized that she wanted to be with the nice guy after all.  Crying on his shoulder turned into crying on his chest, then crying on his chest turned into kissing, then kissing turned into…… and she has never looked back!

It just proves that you never know. If you’re meant to be with someone, then you’re just meant to be I suppose.

There have been so many occasions where I have thrown guys out of my life, simply because they have only wanted to be friends. “I don’t need another friend! I have enough friends!” I would think to myself. But now I can’t help but wonder, what if I had let those particular guys remain in my life as friends whom I saw occasionally, or even friends whom I became close with, whilst we continued to date others? They may not have eventuated into anything and we may have simply remained friends. But what if the timing just wasn’t right, what if one of these friendships eventually blossomed into love? What if when the guy was ready for more, everything just sort of fell into place?

What if my cousin’s partner hadn’t stayed friends with her? Would he be single and lonely now, having lost his ‘soul mate’? Or would he be just as happy and married to someone else?  Or what if my friend had continued to go for the bad boys? Would she be alone now? Or would she have met another nice guy eventually?

My boss and his wife recently had their 42nd wedding anniversary. Thinking he must know a thing or two about marriage after 42 years, I asked him to share some marital wisdom. Guess what his number one tip was? Be friends first!! He was friends with his wife before they began dating, before they became intimate, before they got married, before they bought a home, before they had children, before any of that stuff, they were just friends.   They knew each other before any of that other stuff, before any of the emotions and the complication and he feels this is the reason they have lasted as long as they have.

So with all this information in front of me, I can’t help but wonder, is it better to be friends prior to becoming a couple in order to have a successful relationship?  Does friends first have benefits?

Is three no longer a crowd?

3 2A London based entrepreneur has recently created a new dating app. Like Tinder, the theme colours are orange and red with an option to swipe through photos of potential mates, but there’s a difference.  This app is especially made for three!  That’s right, three… so if you think three is a crowd, then perhaps you should give this app a miss from your download list!

It’s called 3nder (pronounced Thrinder).

I decided to check the app out for myself. .. Whether I’m doing it for a real threesome experience or purely for research purposes, I will not divulge (you can think what you like!)

Similar to Tinder, it’s very easy to use and all a bit shallow and superficial.  But when you only have a photo to go on, what do you expect?

First, you are asked to set up your profile.

Are you single or in a couple? A fair question.  I select single.  Yes, I am STILL single. I thank the app for reminding me of this.

Then you select your gender.  A simple question you might think?  This option actually caught me by surprise though!   It’s not just male or female anymore.  Nope! There is also a ‘TS/TV/TG’ option (being new to this, I had to Google).  I got the following answers:

TS = Transsexual – Transsexual people experience a gender identity inconsistent or not culturally associated with their assigned sex, i.e. in which a person’s assigned sex at birth conflicts with their psychological gender.  A medical diagnosis of gender dysphoria can be made if a person expresses a desire to live and be accepted as a member of their identified sex, or if a person experiences impaired functioning or distress as a result of their gender identification.

TV = Transvestite – A person who sometimes wears clothes traditionally worn by and associated with the opposite sex; typically a male who cross-dresses occasionally by habit or compulsion.

TG = Transgender – Denoting or relating to a person whose self-identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of male or female gender.

So it’s really not just female or male anymore.  I suppose I knew this, but I’m not used to seeing it in print or being asked the question.  We are definitely evolving.

Then you are, of course, asked which age group you would like to be matched with.  I choose 21-35.  The ages go up to 100, which is interesting to say the least.  To complete your profile, it is recommended to share your interests and desires.  Whether you are into men, women, toys, vanilla sex, hardcore bondage or all of the above, you can share it here.  What I shared?  I don’t kiss and tell…

And as with Tinder, the real pleasure is in the swiping. After pouring myself a generous glass of red, I begin to do so – up for ‘love’ or down for ‘dis-love’.  Am I sex maniac or just a straight out creep? I can’t decide.   An hour passes and I’ve already swiped, or shall I say ‘fingered’, a number of potential couples.  I wonder if any of them will swipe back…

Unlike Tinder, you have the option to see who liked you, but you didn’t like them.   But there is a fee of course, $9.99 per month for the ‘Curiosity’ option.  You didn’t like them back anyway, so I would say it isn’t worth the monthly fee.

One of the other differences is that 3nder is really quite discreet.  You are encouraged not to use your real name, nothing is shared on Facebook, you are not shown if you have any Facebook friends in common and discretion is guaranteed (apparently).

Many people will naturally be a little nervous about being spotted by someone they know on 3nder.  To prevent this, you have the option to switch to ‘incognito mode’ and hide from your friends/family by paying a small fee of $1.29 per year.  It’s a small price to pay to ensure you’re not ‘up swiped’ by a colleague or that creepy Uncle of yours!

With all this talk of discretion and hiding (aside from not wanting to be seen your family), I wonder if there is perhaps still a stigma surrounding threesomes.  Is it still frowned upon by some? Is this something we should be keeping quiet? Or should we be proud?  Should we be proud of our sexuality and confidence to experiment with it?

I personally feel that our sexuality and our sex life is a very personal thing that is ours to do with what we please.  Whether you agree with threesomes or not, couples and singles all over the world are going to, and already are partaking in them whether you like it or not, so really, it was only a matter of time before someone created an app for just that. And because 3inder promotes discretion and a safe environment, it may well be a better option than a couple picking out the cutest drunk girl at a bar on a Saturday night.  With 3inder, at least you can see what the other wants and desires and you know that’s what they’re there for.  Unlike Tinder at times, there’s no guessing.

So whether you’re single and looking to join a couple in a rustle, or you’re a couple looking to add a little spice into your love life, then this app might be right for you.

What do you think?  Have you used 3nder or would you try it?

Or better yet… have a threesome experience you would like to share?  Email me or simply click on the  ‘Share a Date’ link on the website.

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