Craven The City

Month: May 2015

The pimple

woman-pimples

I had a date last night.  However, the gentleman I matched with on Tinder and myself were not the only ones present.  A pimple decided to come along too!  The biggest, sorest pimple I’ve ever had – might I add!

Weirdly enough, I had been unwell for five days prior to the date, so I hadn’t worn makeup, nor had I drank alcohol or ate fatty foods during that time. So you’d think my chances of getting a pimple would have been slim.  Perhaps the pimple knew I had a date coming up, so it thought it would have a little fun of its own by appearing right beforehand – sneaky little bugger!!

For someone who never gets pimples, to get one that big right on the center of my cheek is a problem and one I am not used to!  I’m sure it wasn’t that noticeable to anyone else, but you know it always feels and looks a thousand times bigger when it’s on your own face doesn’t it?!

I spent the night prior to the date attempting to exorcise the monstrosity from my face!  I googled of course, and tried some of the home remedies out there.  I held an ice cube on it, I put lemon on it, I dabbed it with tea tree oil, eucalyptus oil and apple cider vinegar, I tried pimple vanishing cream on it, steam near it, a facemask, squeezing it, scrubbed it,  cleaned it and just before bed I even layered it with toothpaste of all things! (This is supposed to dry it out).   After all that, the pimple seemed to just get bigger and sorer.  Perhaps I should have chosen one remedy and stuck with that! I think I must have aggravated it, don’t you?

Date day arrived and it was bigger than ever.  What did I do?  Covered the crap out of it with makeup of course! That’s sure to make it go away! Not!  I don’t usually wear a great deal of makeup, but this called for foundation, powder and concealer.  It even called for taking the concealer in my clutch to the date for safe measure.

I arrived at the date feeling a bit self-conscious.  It’s funny how something so small and temporary can lower your confidence.  But it did.  I simply didn’t feel as confident as I would usually feel.  But pimple or no pimple, my date and I met at The George in the CBD and chatted over red wine and had a pleasant time.  He probably didn’t even notice the pimple.  But whilst I was sitting there sipping away on my wine, I couldn’t help but think “Is he looking at my pimple?!”

What I really took out of this date though, was the fact that it was a pleasant evening and whether I had a pimple or not, would not have changed the outcome.  He didn’t point out the pimple, call me ugly, or escape through the back door.  The date went exactly the same as it would have had I not had the pimple.

So when we get a big pimple, a bruise or something less temporary such as a scar, perhaps we should think of it as an extension of ourselves and the lives we are living rather than a flaw.  Perhaps we should tell ourselves that flaws are okay, that they are part of who we are and can be beautiful, we all have them and they definitely don’t need to lower our confidence.

It helped me realise that having a pimple really isn’t the end of the world, nor is it going to have a drastic effect on my dating life.

Have you ever gotten a big pimple right before a date? Or something else that made you feel less confident than usual? What happened and how did you handle it?

As always, would love to hear from you xx

Actions speak louder than words!

covering guys mouth

So, there is this guy you like and you think he likes you too. Why? Because he told you so of course!

If he told you he likes you, it must be true right? Wrong!

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from dating is that actions almost always speak louder than words. I really cannot emphasise this one enough!

There have been many times when I’ve been convinced that a guy liked me simply because he had told me so, but then I’ve ended up being confused because his actions didn’t quite match his words. I used to make excuses for them. No matter what happened, I would say to my girlfriends “But he told me how much he liked me.” and they would of course agree with me like girlfriends do, and come up with excuses too. Like, “Oh babe, he’s probably just busy right now. If he said he likes you, he really must!” You get the picture.

Their actions didn’t show it, yet I would still go back to what they said. I would replay what they said to me over and over in my mind and wonder whether they did actually like me or not. But the truth is, they obviously didn’t. Maybe those men did a little, but not enough to really want to be with me. And that is not enough. I will no longer let myself believe that it is!

If I guy really likes you, his actions will show it every time. Actions such as;

1. He will call you 

A guy who genuinely likes you (not just the thought of you naked in his bed, but you and all of you), will call you. He won’t just text you; he will actually pick up the phone and call. And you will never find yourself waiting by the phone or running outside to check if your phone signal still works, because you won’t need to.

 

2. He will take you on a real date

He will also take you on a date. And I don’t mean to his place to “watch a movie”, I mean a romantic dinner at a restaurant, the bowling alley, the movies or lunch at a winery (just to name a few), somewhere in PUBLIC at the very least.

For example, have you ever had a guy you like within your friend group? You see him at friend’s houses, events and parties, you always have great conversation and you may even ‘hook up’ from time to time. He tells you he likes you, but you have never been on an actual date. He’s even told you several times that you will go on a date, but it never actually happens. Sorry honey, but if he really likes you, he wouldn’t be able to wait to take you out and get to know you properly.

No real date = No real future.

 

3. He will take interest in your life

He won’t just tell you he’s interested in your life, he will show you.

He will show you by listening to you and you will know he’s been listening to you, because he will remember the little and the big things about your life. He will remember the time you went to visit your sick Grandmother and will ask you how she is, and he will remember you’ve got an important meeting at work or he will simply remember how you like your coffee. If he wants you for more than just a bit of bedroom fun he will show you these things are important to him too.

 

4. He will follow through

When he says he is going to call you, he will call you. When he says he’s going to come over, he will come over. When he says he’s going to take you on a date, he will take you on a date. If he has to cancel, he will have a good reason and he will reschedule shortly after – It’s pretty simple.

There are the few guys that seem to possibly enjoy confusing us… Like the guy I wrote about recently who took me to his Mother’s birthday, then told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. You would think that this is an action that only a guy who liked you would do and a clear sign that they like you, but NO.

A close male friend, whose opinion I value and who is straight forward when sharing his male perspective of this stuff with me, often reminds me that just because a guy says something nice to you doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to be with you. It often just means they really want to get into your pants! Gross but true! Hence, one of the reasons you need the guy to take you out and show you he likes you with actions, as well as words.

There are obviously lots of ways a guy can show you he likes you by his actions, and I can’t promise that these actions always mean a life time of happiness and everlasting love with the guy, but I can tell you this… Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words!

If a guy tells you how much he likes you but doesn’t show it. Don’t wait around for him to do so.  You will be waiting forever.

Reader’s story – My first eHarmony date

coffee dateI’ve received my first dating story from one of my readers and I’m so excited to share!

One of my lovely readers (not naming names) recently joined eHarmony and had her first date from the site. She matched with a very handsome gentleman around her age, and after a few messages of witty banter and slight flirtation, they decided to meet for a coffee.

Following my 10 Tips for a first date, she arrived at the coffee shop five minutes late. She is relieved when she is greeted by a man who is just as handsome as his picture and is even more relieved when she is met with great conversation and a connection, which she felt instantly. Not being new to the dating scene, she knows a connection like this so early on is pretty rare.

After two hours of talking in the coffee shop, they were enjoying the date so much that they were asked to leave as the café had to close. She was disappointed and felt he was too as they were enjoying the date so much. The date ended like most first dates, an awkward hug and an even more awkward kiss on the cheek.

Two days later (a little long I’m thinking), she received a text message from her suitor telling her what a great time he had and that he would like to go on a second date. She told me she was surprised, as she often doesn’t hear from her dates again. – What a shame!

However, this one was sounding promising. They made plans to go on their second date on a Saturday night (a good sign). He suggested a comedy show then dinner and drinks in the city afterwards. Sounds nice right?

She noted that she made her first mistake when she agreed to let him pick her up. He arrived, but was ten minutes late. So to make the comedy show, he was cutting it very fine! He drove to the city like a mad man constantly checking his watch, risking crashing his car on the way!

To make the date even more frustrating, he was unable to find a parking spot. So they spent the next half an hour driving around looking as he continued to check his watch, when he should have actually been looking at the road as well as for potential car spaces.

Finally, “Stuff it!” he said “let’s just go straight to dinner!” He suggested one of his favourite restaurants close by. They arrive at the restaurant and guess what? It was closed. This was all she needed now right?

Then they went to plan C, a small bar for a drink in the CBD. The bar had little food options and zero atmosphere. The conversation was okay, but by that time they were both just over it. The romance was officially dead.

After a couple of hours of talking, he drove her home. This car ride was even more awkward than the first. They barely spoke and this time there was neither an awkward hug nor an awkward kiss goodbye.

Two days later she received a text message from him. He told her that he enjoyed the night, but had mixed feelings about her. After careful analysis and feedback from her friends, she realised that the guy’s inability to go with the flow and be flexible, established more than anything that he wasn’t the guy for her – Good on her for knowing what is right for her and what isn’t!

I wonder if the second date had gone smoother, would they have gone on a third? Was a potential romance ruined simply due a few hiccups? Maybe this happened for a reason, so that she was able to see early on that he was not the ‘go with the flow’ type of guy she was looking for.

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