Craven The City

Month: April 2015

The restaurant date

Blended (2014) trailer (Screengrab)Restaurant dates. They can be a little confronting, can’t they?

Not only do you have to sit across the table starting at each other for approximately two hours, but you also have to be dressed appropriately for the venue, be familiar with the art of cutlery use and table etiquette, choose effectively from the wine list, decipher the latest trendy food descriptions and be constantly funny and witty. All whilst looking effortlessly stunning and making sure you’re not getting any food between your teeth or in your hair for that matter. Sometimes your hair gets so long you end up getting it in your food, right ladies?

So many things to think about!

But if you’ve been on as many dates as I have, you begin to master all of this. You have a standard outfit choice for each type of restaurant, you’ve had a lot of practice using cutlery, you have good table manners, you start becoming a regular at some of the restaurants wherein you know the wine lists like the back of your hand, you may even google the new trendy food on your phone when he goes to the bathroom. He comes back and you just sound so clever when you tell him what ‘Quenelle’ means. You still don’t really know what it means, but as least you sound like you do. As for looking effortlessly stunning, you do your best. You reapply your red lipstick multiple times throughout the evening, you put your hair back and check your teeth when going to the bathroom – carrying floss in your clutch is a must! If you plan on a goodnight kiss mints won’t hurt either.

I’ve addressed some potential difficulties of restaurant dates, but what about some of the good things? Well, apart from restaurant dates generally being enjoyable and food and wine being absolutely awesome, I believe you can tell a lot about a person on a restaurant date. Not just by their conversation and how they have dressed, but most importantly by how they behave.

How are his manners?

I don’t know about you, but I want to date someone with good manners and appropriate courtesy.   The person I date needs to be someone I can take to an office function or to dinner at my Nanna’s equally, without being embarrassed.

Just look for these things:

  • Does your date demonstrate table etiquette or is he eating his food with his hands like a caveman?
  • Is his napkin on his lap, or does he simply think it’s part of the tablecloth?
  • Does he excuse himself from the table?
  • Is he talking to you the whole night or is he checking his phone and texting in his lap, oblivious to the fact that you can actually see what he is doing?


Is he an asshole?

There is only so much you can determine about someone’s personality in a couple of hours. However, one of the ways to see what type of person they are is by observing the way they speak to the wait staff.

If he does any of the following, he is probably an asshole:

  • Clicks his fingers, whistles or claps to get the wait staff’s attention
  • Yells at the wait staff
  • Neglects to thank the wait staff (even if it is just for a water top-up)
  • Is rude when making a complaint (the wait staff didn’t cook the food)
  • Looks condescendingly at the wait staff

These behaviours will tell you immediately that he is simply an asshole, so steer clear.


Do you have common interests?

Apart from the inevitable discussing what you both enjoy doing, your passions and dreams, you can tell a lot about a person from how they relate to the venue they are in.

For example: If you are in your absolute favourite restaurant, it is five star and he is looking extremely uncomfortable, then fine dining probably isn’t for him. This does not have to be a deal-breaker of course, but if you enjoy frequent dining at these types of venues, then he probably isn’t the guy you should be dating.

Nor is he probably the guy you should be dating if he chose the restaurant and you’ve ended up at MacDonald’s.


Does he really want to be here?

Whether I’m at a restaurant with a girlfriend, my mother or on a date, if I’m enjoying someone’s company, I like the dinner to last as long as possible. So if a guy wants to order the meal within 5 minutes of sitting down, I’m instantly turned off and a little disappointed. “Is he in that much of a hurry to get out here?” Is what I will generally think.

If a guy is enjoying your company and is generally happy to be with you, he will also be happy to relax with a few drinks and nibbles prior to the main and will want to make the dinner last as long as possible.

If he seems to be in a hurry to order he’s possibly not interested. Or he’s just nervous or really hungry. Either way, how quickly he wants to order the main, may give you some sort of indication.


So Ladies, next time you go on a first date to a restaurant, look for these little things and take note. You may already notice these things and don’t think they matter, you may think they do, or you may notice some of these things for the very first time ever and won’t believe you never took note of them before!

So don’t shy away from restaurants as your first date – Give it a go ladies and let me know xx

You complete me?

2774099342_43af8a9093_bYou’ve all seen the movie ‘Jerry Maguire’ right?  Well, remember the scene where Tom Cruise says to Renee Zellweger “You complete me”?  You probably melted a little inside when you watched it, right?

If you haven’t…. here is the scene I’m referring to.

But if you really think about the line it sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn’t it?

How can anybody possibly complete you? Only you can complete you, right?  What is the point of being you if someone else can complete you? You may as well just let them be all of you, right?

And if ‘completing’ your partner is one of the prerequisites for a serious relationship, then maybe I’d rather not have one (for now at least). I already have a full time job!

Of course we want to be there for our partners.  We want a partner who is going to enrich and fulfil our lives and bring out the best in us and we want to be able to do those things for HIM as well – but how much is too much?  Where do we draw the line?

So often, couples get so wrapped up in their relationship that they lose themselves.

“I just don’t know who I am anymore!” is a sad cry that can often be heard from both men and women in long term relationships. They forget about their interests, their individuality, their friends or just the little things that they used to so enjoy doing on their own.  They get so wrapped up in that other person that they can simply forget who they are.

How can we be in love and be there for the other person without relying on them to complete us?

Before we enter into a relationship, should we complete ourselves first?


When is ‘meeting the parents’ too soon?

meet the parents 2

How could I have been disappointed about a guy I had only just met?

It got me thinking, was it actually him that caused me to feel disappointment, or simply the possibility of what might have been that excited me.  The possibility which was so abruptly taken away.

It all happened so fast.  Too fast.  I sensed this from the beginning but convinced myself that it was all happening for a reason and that it was meant to be.

Okay I will start from the beginning.   I met a guy.  Not my usual type, but there was just something about him and he made me laugh.  Laughter is good and so when he asked me out to dinner I agreed. We had a really lovely time.  As well as the laughter, I was attracted to his openness and what seemed to be his honesty about what he wanted.

For example, he asked me some of the following questions:

  • “Why did your last relationship end?”
  •  “How long have you been single?”
  • “What are your deal breakers?”
  • “What are you looking for in a partner?”

Wow!  A bit full on for a first date!  But then I thought, no game playing and he’s honest, I like that.

And the biggest thing of all…. for our second date he invited me to have drinks with his mother, sister and friends for his mothers birthday.  He wants me to meet his mother and sister?! Wow!! He must really like me, I thought.

He told me how much they mean to him and how close they all are.  So I figured this was a test.  You know, make sure my mother and sister like her before I waste any of my time. I get it.

You would think that all of this meant that he was looking for something more than casual.  Right?

At first I will admit, I wasn’t sure whether to go or not.  But then I figured, I think I like him and not going might give him the wrong impression.  So I went and it went very well.  I really liked them and it seemed they really liked me too.  I had a long chat, photos and hugs with his mum and danced with his sister.

It all seemed to be going so well, almost too well.  He told me how happy he was that his mother and I could talk and how glad he was that I came.  We kissed, we held hands, he was attentive and asked if I was okay all throughout the night.   His friends told me that he never brings girls over and that I must be pretty special. So that made me feel pretty good and fuelled by thoughts of possibilities.

We made tentative plans to meetup a couple of days later.

I felt happy.  Isn’t that crazy though?  And almost a little scary isn’t it?  How someone I had known for less than a week could have made me feel happy?!!  Someone or the possibilities?

Why do we give men that much power over us? Is it just me? Or do all women do this? Is it human nature? Should we not do it? Are we not allowed to feel happy?

Anyway, back to the story.

Still reeling with excitement, you can imagine my shock and confusion when two days later he sent me a text message which read something like this:

“I don’t know if we should continue to see each other.  I don’t know if I’m ready for commitment.”

What????!!!!  Less than 48 hours ago he was telling me how much he likes me.

I never said I wanted a relationship with him. I never asked him to commit to me! Why did he think he had too?  Why couldn’t we just start off casual and then see where it went?  That was certainly my intention.  Why did he have to make it so full on?  I was shocked and confused.

My mind instantly went to insecure mode.  I spent the entire day wondering what I had done wrong.  As I asked myself questions like “What’s wrong with me?” and “What did I do wrong?” But then I realised it.  Nothing.  There is absolutely nothing that I could have possibly done to turn him off in the time that I was away from him.  Because when he changed his mind, I was simply not around.

So then the analysis started. You’re all familiar with that, right ladies!? He could have decided he didn’t like something about me (which is okay of course), his mother or sister could have told him they didn’t like me (doubtful unless they are really good actors!), he could have met someone else, he could have feelings for an ex, he could be even gay (laugh out loud) or he could genuinely have realised he’s not ready for a relationship.  The list is endless!

I could have spent the rest of the week wondering what went wrong, but what is the point? I will probably never know the real reason he changed his mind and that’s okay.  Because do you know what? I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t sure about what they want.  And I certainly don’t want to be with someone who isn’t sure about me!

In the large scheme of things, it was only a week after all!  This isn’t going to affect me or my life in the long term.

I’ve been told it takes roughly half the time you date someone to get over them.  Well it was a week – I was over it in exactly 3.5 days!!

My lesson here:  If a guy invites you to meet his mum within the first few dates, there is something wrong.  Run!!!  

I would love to hear your thoughts on this one.  Is introducing a girl to your mother still considered to mean something? Or have I missed something here?  How would you read into this if this happened to you? To my male readers, have you introduced a girl you were dating to your mother? How early is it too early?

Until next time… Xx

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