Craven The City

Month: March 2015

The night I dated 9 men

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I dated 9 men last week.  Yes, you read right 9.  And all in the space of a couple of hours. How did I manage it? Speed dating of course!

I’ve wanted to try it for a while now, but have been a little intimidated by the whole thing. I have also always wondered what the benefit of it really was.  How much information can you possibly get out of one person in just a few minutes? And will there be enough time to get to know them?

Luckily this particular speed dating event allowed for a little bit more time with each prospective partner.  Seven minutes per man to be exact.  Seven minutes of heaven or hell!

I arrived at the Ellington Jazz club in Mount Lawley just before 7pm.  As I walked in the door I saw a couple of real hotties and was instantly relieved. The relief was short lived as, much to my dismay, I discovered the event was actually upstairs and that those particular gentlemen probably weren’t attending…. “Damn!” I utter to myself as I ascend the staircase.

It was very dark upstairs.  I wondered whether this was the normal ambiance here, or if this was simply a ploy to trick you into thinking your fellow speed daters are more attractive than they actually are.

I can still see.  They’re not that attractive.

Even so, I decide to stay and keep an open mind.  Besides, the organizer had already seen me so there was no backing out!

I was greeted by Debbie of ‘Dare2Date’, the service I booked the event through.  She was lovely, bubbly and friendly, which instantly set me at ease… well a little anyway.  She explained the process to me:

  • Buy an alcoholic drink (this is a must to relax and prepare you for all of the men you’re about to date.
  • Receive a name tag and a number, as well as a sheet on which to record your interest in each of the dates.  For example: After spending time with ‘Bob’ I decide I would like to get to know him more.  So, alongside his name and number I write “yes”.  If ‘Bob’ is boring, I then of course write “no”.  If both ‘Bob’ and I indicate an interest in one another, we’re a match! – And in a day or two we will be advised of each other’s email addresses, so we can arrange a date – one which hopefully lasts longer than seven minutes.
  • The women are shown to what will be their seat for the evening and it is the men who will be changing seats every seven minutes. That’s right, the men have to do the hard work and move around to each date when the bell is rung.

Having heard the rules whilst taking several large sips of wine, are they even called sips if they are large? – I ponder, it’s time to start. I’m sitting in my allocated seat, in my allocated corner with a big glass of red wine. I take a deep breath, a large gulp of wine and putting on my best “pleased to meet you smile” I’m ready.

When date number one arrived, I instantly knew I wasn’t interested. I know it’s not all about looks, but you’ve got to have a bit of an attraction there, right? He was extremely pale and almost a little creepy looking.  Not my type.  We have a pleasant enough conversation, but I find myself waiting for the time to pass, taking sneak peeks at my watch.

Date number two arrived and he looked promising.  He was dressed well, he was tall and he had a nice smile. Tick, tick, tick!

Then he opened his mouth… The first word out of his mouth is “fuck”.  Is he serious? What about “hi?”  You can’t even say hello to me before letting off the ‘f bomb’? I just wanted to pour my glass of red wine over his head and get the hell out of there! All he could talk about was his work with a swear word slotted in every chance he got.  He didn’t even ask me about me! I considered explaining the purpose of dating to him but decided not to bother?  The seven minutes is over.  Thank God! It felt like a hundred years with that one!

Date number three arrived and he was cute! I was excited! Excited at least until he tells me he’s not actually looking for anything. He’s just got out of a marriage and he’d rather not go on any real dates. He’s just here for a bit of fun.  What the hell? Why open with that? I get it, I’m here mostly for a bit of research for my writing, but I’m not going to tell you that am I?! And if speed dating is the only pastime you can think of for a bit of fun, then you must live a pretty boring life! Apart from the fact that you are wasting the time of women who ARE there to meet a potential partner! Next!

Date number four, five, six, seven and eight aren’t even worth mentioning really. They were nice enough, but a little dull.  Trying to get anything bordering on a lively conversation out of them was almost like attempting to draw blood from a stone.

By the time the final date arrived, I was exhausted! And a little tipsy might I add.

But within a minute of meeting this one, we just clicked.  We got on really well and the conversation flowed.  It’s wonderful when it just flows. You don’t have to think or make any effort, it just happens. There wasn’t a great deal of attraction there but he was smart, funny and confident.  And that’s important.

So with that, I said yes to ‘Mr Number 10’. I found out the next day that he also said yes, and he was given my contact details.  Actually, I found out that eight of the nine men said yes to me which was nice.  I was of naturally curious… which one of the men knocked me back?

But there was only one match of course.  We are going out for dinner next week….

So what do I think of speed dating?

I think speed dating is fun but a little daunting and it can also be really draining.  If you’re not creative or overly confident, you simply end up repeating the same thing over and over again.    I.e. My name is…. My job is….. My hobby is… and that gets very boring, very fast!

So here are my conversation tips:

  1. Don’t talk about your job, that’s boring.
  2. Definitely don’t talk about your previous relationship, that’s just scary.
  3. Be creative and think of different and interesting questions, rather than just the standard ones you’re always asking. Here are some examples:
  • Let’s say he’s wearing a really nice watch or unusual cufflinks, point them out and compliment them. “Wow your watch is really nice! where did you get it from?” The compliment will boost his ego a little, and in most cases he will then tell you where he got it or what it means to him and that may lead into an interesting story, or perhaps give you some insight on his personality.
  • Do you love dining out whenever you possibly can, like I do? Then ask him “What is your favourite restaurant is or your favourite cuisine?”  His answer will tell you whether or not you’d like him to be the one to wine and dine you.
  • Make your date a little humorous by asking him something really random, like “What do you wear to bed?” As weird as it may sound, this can actually give you an idea of his personality. If he sleeps naked he’s probably a pretty laid back person, if he always wears pyjamas he may be a little bit up tight and boring for your taste (especially in the bedroom).  If nothing else, this question will definitely make him laugh.

So if you decide to give speed dating a try, don’t take it too seriously!  Keep it light and simple, relax and just let the conversation flow.  You never know where it might go….

Xx

“I’m not ready for a relationship right now”

No

How many times have we heard this one? Personally, I’ve lost count!

“You’re an awesome chick, I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.”

A couple of months down the track, what should pop up on your Facebook newsfeed? Mr. Not Ready for a Relationship has changed his relationship status and accompanied it with a loved-up profile pic.

Hang on a minute…what?! You wonder if you’ve missed something.  Just a few weeks ago he was saying he wasn’t ready for one.   It’s at that moment you realize that he obviously was just not that into you.  You feel like an idiot, right?

So why do guys use this line?  Are they just trying to be nice and not hurt our feelings? Are they just trying to make it easier on themselves?  Or did they genuinely not want a relationship until this other girl came along?

Did he ever really like you?   or did he just suddenly decide he was ready for to settle down so shortly after you by coincidence?  What is it about this new girl that he perceives to be a whole lot better than you?  Aaaargh! The questions that rattle around our brains.

And the worst part of it is…Facebook! If it wasn’t for Facebook you wouldn’t even know about it right? You would more than likely go through the rest of your life never knowing what happened to that guy you dated briefly who didn’t want a relationship.  You would be blissfully unaware – wouldn’t that be nice?

My solution:  DO NOT befriend a date on Facebook until you become semi-serious!

What you gain by doing this:

1. You’re not letting him into your life too early

Because let’s face it, if you’re anything like me your Facebook page shows almost all of it!  So by waiting to add him on Facebook, you’re holding on to a bit of mystery.

2. You’re not learning too much about him either

Do you often find that you go to catch up with a friend you haven’t seen in months, you begin to tell them what’s been happening in your life and they say “I know. I saw it on Facebook.” This can be frustrating at times can’t it?

So what’s the point in dating someone and getting to know them face to face, when you can just see it all on Facebook?  Get to know him the old fashioned way.

3. Ignorance is bliss

And the best one of all… If he disappears into thin air or changes his relationship status soon after dating you, you won’t know about it.  This saves you from feeling like an idiot and tormenting yourself with questions that can never be answered.  Why put yourself through unnecessary hurt?

 

Have you been thrown this line? Have you been hurt by what you’ve seen on Facebook? What are your thoughts and how did it effect you?

I’d love to hear from you. Just send me an email via the contact page!

Note: Should I wish to share your stories, I will always ask your permission first and will never disclose names.

Until next time… Xx

 

Get off the couch… you may just meet someone!

couchNowadays, there are so many different ways to try and meet that special someone.

So, where do you begin?

There is of course the old fashioned way, where you get dolled up, actually leave the house, go out to a bar or nightclub with your girlfriends in the hopes that you are approached by that elusive tall, dark and handsome man who buys you a cocktail, sweeps you off your feet – and… Voila! You’re in love!

Alternatively, you could dress up a little more than you usually would to do your grocery shopping, and comment on that very juicy pear to the cute shopper next to you whilst giving it a gentle squeeze – Ta da! He sweeps you off your feet and you’re in love!

But how often does that happen?  – Almost never right?

Then there is of course, the internet! Ah the internet! What the hell did we ever do before this fine invention?  Now we can meet someone without even leaving the house! With dating websites like RSVP and Eharmony and now smart phone applications such as Tinder, it’s getting easier and easier to increase your chances of meeting the man of your dreams.

Whether we’re busy juggling work, trying to meet regular commitments or are just plain lazy, online can be a great way of meeting someone.

How about we start getting back out there a little more though? Like actually trying to meet people by leaving the house, you know moving our bodies and walking out the front door?

Even if you don’t meet the man of your dreams, you still may make some new friends, enjoy a different experience or discover a new venue.

I thought about this and wondered whether or not specific singles events were still around. Or are we too far into the future of technology, that it is all now internet based?

We are in luck.  It would seem that no longer do we have to trawl the bars and clubs eyeing off prospective partners without even knowing if they are single – these days more and more events are put on with us singles in mind.  I refer to speed dating, singles balls and the like.

Looking into the options out there I discovered a fairly new Perth based company called ‘The Dating Boutique’, a dating service run by Zally and Tanya.  Two women who were fed up with bad dates and bad websites, and decided to take dating into their own hands!

The thing that caught my attention about this particular dating service is that it caters for almost everyone. FIFO Workers, Single parents, same sex partners, people with disabilities – you name it.

If you’ve never done this type of thing before, or you’re just a little bit unsure about the whole thing, why not look at meeting someone through a safe environment like a dating service.

The team at the Dating Boutique will do their best to match you up with someone compatible, offer lots of fun regular events for you to attend and will even organize your date for you!  It doesn’t get much easier than that!  Check out their website for upcoming events and more details about the services they offer – http://www.thedatingboutique.com.au/findlove/

With services like this and many more available in Perth, the chances of meeting your special someone may be higher than you think!

Get out of your comfort zone and find a new way to meet that special someone for you!

Watch this space – I will be ‘trialling’ some myself in the coming months.

As always, I would love to hear from you about your dating experiences! Please get in touch with me via the contact page.  Xx

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